As my daughters get older and I see how their inner world becomes more and more complex, I realize that absolutely all of us should take care of and heal our inner child. This is a psychological process that involves healing emotional wounds and negative experiences that originated in childhood. Some wounds that we can transmit to our daughters and sons and fill their backpacks with a weight that does not belong to them. Here are some steps and concepts that can help you in this process.
The first thing we should do is be aware that yes, our inner child exists. We must recognize its presence because it is the part of you that retains the emotions, beliefs and memories of childhood. In this journey to our past, our childhood, we should identify the wounds, that is, the painful experiences that cause us emotional pain. Among the most common injuries are abandonment, emotional abuse, and physical abuse. Dive into this part of your story to see what your wound is. It is important to recognize that there is something in our past that causes us pain. And I think this is the most important part. Recognizing ourselves as wounded is difficult but accepting these experiences and feelings is essential for healing.
On this path, and as a job that I am traveling, it is shocking to see how what hurts us as children are often patterns that we replicate in our adult lives. And also, many times it is that extra weight that we add to our sons and daughters’ backpacks. These patterns affect our thoughts, behaviors and the way we relate to ourselves in adult life.
At this point, self-compassion is very important. We should not flagellate ourselves (even more) after discovering ourselves injured. We must cultivate compassion for our child selves and for ourselves as adults. Treat each other with kindness and gentleness as we work to heal. For me this is when we need therapy the most (choose the one that best resonates with you) Because many times we know what the problem is but we don’t have the necessary tools to be able to work, improve and heal. In fact, there are many therapists who specialize in inner child therapy or trauma-focused therapy.
Apart from the advice and tools that the specialist can offer you, self-care is also very important. We must dedicate time (it is obligatory to take it from wherever) to activities that nourish and care for our emotional well-being, such as meditation, exercise, therapeutic writing, creative art or connection with nature. I have started writing, I don’t do it as much as I should, and I highly recommend it.
And just as we take care of our children, let’s take care of our inner child. This involves providing ourselves with the love, support and care that we may have needed but did not receive in childhood.
At this point, we should consider forgiveness. Forgiving those who hurt us in the past does not mean justifying these actions, this is very important, because the act of forgiving can be costly and can lead to mistakes. We must do this act for ourselves and for that inner child because it frees us from the emotional weight that we have carried for so long.
And reconnect with that inner child in a healthy and balanced way. If we liked to draw, why don’t we do it again? If we wanted to be gardeners, why not set up a garden on the balcony? I hope you understand this concept. This connection can be the stimulus we need.
Remember that healing the inner child is an ongoing and personalized process. It may take time and effort, but the result can be greater self-acceptance, understanding, and a fuller, more satisfying life. In fact, I recommend that we begin this process of healing childhood wounds before becoming parents, so as not to transmit concepts, thoughts or ways of relating that can be harmful. So if you don’t want to go into this process for yourself, heal for your children.
